pocket porkchop

2009-12-17T01:27:00.002-05:00

oh hey. tonight was a night. i laughed, i danced, i drank whiskey, i toasted to my hometown. i am so proud of my friends.

and you know, shit's cool. it's all gonna be fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine. twenty-ten, i'm looking at YOU.

2009-12-16T16:49:00.000-05:00

i am going out every night this week.

excerpts from episode 196

2009-12-14T23:02:00.004-05:00

mind apps

a modern broad
a modern dame

i was at the gym, speaking different languages
shotting pictures, going to the market

multiple dreamcatchers being worn

between man and wo-man

put the sawdust on it
you won't notice

best cuts
finding people's mistakes

times is hard
i got you this card
we were always mad ussin'

i will kill him graveyard dead

hey congratulations
you look like al pacino

i'm startled by that synchronicity

2009-12-14T09:27:00.003-05:00

i can't believe it's been five months since i've touched my scanner. i need to get back into the shit in a major way. there are boxes upon boxes of polaroids in bags in the closet, i can barely remember of what at this point... i am sure some of them will break my not-quite-mended heart when i finally see them again.

last night jenny & i went to friends' house for mulled wine, roasted chicken, and a little christmas decorating. i had a lovely time, and for a little while, i forgot about how sad i am to not be carrying on the traditions that i had created over the past few years. all of my christmaswares are packed up in my sister's basement, and i would gladly retrieve them but i am still carless, so a trip up to gloucester just isn't going to happen right now. i MAY ditch my tiny fake tree and get a REAL little tree, so it can at least smell like christmas in my bedroom, we'll see...

i had a hard time getting to sleep last night.
i was thinking about my previous post and the events that spawned it, as well as the past few months, and the past few years, and the whole of my life... and you know what?

fuck dudes. seriously. i am so sick of being let down.

2009-12-13T16:51:00.003-05:00

i am mostly unimpressed by the opposite gender.
save for a few dear friends, the rest can go suck eggs.
and learn some g.d. manners, for christ's sake.

2009-12-09T14:48:00.002-05:00

i realize that i have so much to catch up on... where does all the time go? i can't believe this year is finally coming to a close.

i can easily say, without a doubt, that 2009 has been the worst year of my life thus far.

there is no way that 2010 can be bad. i won't let it be.

i have more to say, but now is not the proper time...

2009-12-09T01:19:00.001-05:00

tonight i rode the bus.
this is a big deal.

life is really funny. i think i need to start making fun of it again.

2009-12-06T20:11:00.002-05:00

i feel really sad about the holidays this year. i would like to pretend that they don't exist.

2009-12-06T10:35:00.002-05:00

kitties are sick
volvo is sick
i am NOT sick, yet
but i AM tired

i walked to work today, along the bus route, and it took forty minutes, just like jodi said it would. it was a brisk walk, and i admired the snow on the branches of course... though i noticed, not a single bus passed by me.

tonight: make soup

2009-12-02T11:58:00.001-05:00

get boy everyday.

2009-12-02T09:30:00.003-05:00

I could have slept much longer this morning, but my lack of light-blocking shades, as well as the fact that I have two south facing windows, combined with the man who is seemingly building a new porch on our porch, didn't allow for sleeping in.

I know I am very disorganized these days. I don't even KNOW where my planner is, let alone what is written down for the next month or so, and I don't have a new one purchased yet! I'd better get on that this week..

I am slowly adjusting to roommates. it's been good so far but the old man roommate has not moved in yet, and he is the one that seems to pose the most problems, given that he would like to bring a baby grand piano into our tiny livingroom, and it would essentially take up the whole entire room.... none of us want it, but he's pretty adamant about it, so who the hell knows.

I just wish we had a kitchen table already. and the my car wasn't still half filled with my shit.

2009-12-02T01:31:00.001-05:00

look here. if there is something you want, you ought to just grab at it. why the hell not?

2009-12-01T23:00:00.003-05:00

things I can not find:

- the remote control to my dvd player (these means I am unable to turn off subtitles)
- the box with all the green glasses that were my grammy's
- my hull mugs & bowls (which I assuming are with the green glasses?)
- MY KITCHENAID STAND MIXER WTF WHERE ARE YOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUU?

I need to get up to gloucester again, to hunt these items down, as well as to collect my plants & winter coats.

moving is truly a tedious process.

and oh, hey, would you look at that?
it's december.

2009-11-30T13:20:00.000-05:00

officially in zombiemode.

2009-11-28T00:21:00.002-05:00

it just keeps getting weirder. why i make the decisions i make ... HA. AH. i don't know which yet.

the cats are purring, and drinking more water.
we all need hydration.

thanksgiving was cozy and close and fun. i love my sister and my family. i love jenny. i am thankful to have funny and sweet people in my life. i know i don't always say it.

also, on my way home from an evening of laughter, i was thinking about my friends in boston, and just how incredibly talented and awesome they all really are. i am lucky that i get to call these people my friends. i am so proud of each and every one.

i need to sleep.
NOW.
sunday i may be running on empty... but i think it will be worth it.

2009-11-24T00:56:00.003-05:00

ok ok ok

trying not to make bad decisions... i am wary of everyone at this point, but mostly myself.

it seems maybe i am not as wise as i previously thought. everything is happening now and all i can do is go along with my life. i know what's important, i really do. it's hard to get back into it after living so long for someone else's happiness. it's really hard for me to selfish. i want to help. i LIKE to help. i need to help. it's in my nature.

but come on now.
this is my life.
MY life.

ehhhhhhh. i am going to do with it what i want. you should, too.

2009-11-23T09:27:00.001-05:00

so far, i really like my bedroom.

i have the day off tomorrow and would like to spend it putting my kitchen together, but instead i will spend on lounging on my sister's couch while family car care fixes the volvo's brakes. i guess that's okay, too. after this weekend, i sure could use a day of doing mostly nothing. i am bringing a book. maybe i will take the truck up to haverhill and hunt down a dresser, who knows...

i have so much more to say about so many things, but i don't know if this is the time nor place for it.

2009-11-23T02:58:00.000-05:00

karaoke tonight with some booksmithies, it was so fun. the crowd was small but earnest.

we wailed, and the doorknob broke.

2009-11-22T13:32:00.002-05:00

people are such fucking assholes. violent behavior is bullshit. zero tolerance.

2009-11-22T07:58:00.002-05:00

so i made it.

i am here in JP, thanks to the help of jenny & co. ... and the first night was alright, you know?

it's been a LOOOOOOOOOOOOONG time since i've had a space of my own. i am not sure how to approach it. and also, the common space? i have so much stuff. shoud i just start taking over? I don't want to be presumptuous and rude! maybe they don't LIKE yarn art!

where is my hammer?

i need light blocking curtains or else i will be up with the sun every morning, which isn't necessarily a bad thing.

this day is going to be packed. not sure where to start, but i think getting dressed and hunting down some breakfast might be a good place to begin...

2009-11-15T16:36:00.003-05:00

well. i think i am convinced.
no one is ever as honest with their feelings as i am.
maybe this is a problem for ME, but shouldn't it be a problem for THEM?

i just don't feel like being disappointed, or a being a disappointment, again.

2009-11-15T09:38:00.004-05:00

the changes are rapid.

next weekend i move. i am excited (and nervous) for the change. and i am going to miss my sister & living with cass, as annoying as she can be sometimes. i am lucky that i am able to stay with her, i know.

and i am lucky that i get to leave, too.

now i just need to wrangle up some strong people, and rent a van. i have saturday AND sunday off, so i should be able to get in and at least make my bed and get the kits settled by monday morning....

i don't want things to fizzle.
burn brighter.

2009-11-13T18:16:00.004-05:00

so i am moving to JP.
it's going to be an experience.
i am pretty happy about it.

i picked up the keys today, now the planning begins.
my bedroom is lovely. i can't wait to make it my own.
i desperately need my own space again.

it's a little sad, in a way, but let's face it, i can't live in my sister's house forever.

2009-11-10T19:40:00.001-05:00

i like how one week ago i was all YEAH SHIT RULES and now today i am like WTF IS GOING ON and i want to stick my fist up the world's ass.

2009-11-10T08:48:00.004-05:00

i have the day off. i am on the northshore.

it's been very easy to let myself get overwhelmed the past few days. we are going into our busy season at work, i am trying to find a place to live, i am having car troubles, i am trying to be social... it catches up. i have a lot of goals, it's true. i know i just need to focus on ONE THING AT A TIME. i can't keep having dreams that my cats are bleeding from their eyes.

today i will try making a list and actually doing the things on it.

(skimming over entries from the previous years, this is all so trivial, i never REALLY GET INTO THE SHIT. should i? who knows.)\

it's amazing how much my life has changed in a matter of weeks.