too much is happening, getting back into the swing of life...

playing music, wearing masks, cooking food
eating sweets, drinking coffee, writing songs
planning photos, carving pumpkins, dancing in kitchens
brushing my hair, keeping things happy

it's all working.
i am feeling positive and truly great.

heading back into the city ASAP... the break was nice, sure, but the drive is getting to me, and i want to be close to my friends. i am going to check out a room in a place on thursday. i think this will be better than the last place. FINGERS CROSSED.

look for the bright spots and keep on following

things to help you out along your way

- pork products
- rubbing cat bellies
- music music music
- friends who make you laugh
- neverending coffee

i feel the seasons changin'
and imma changin', too.

i don't know or care who sees this.

i am starting to feel anger instead of sadness. while i don't want to be mad at anyone, i think anger can be a more productive emotion that sadness.

i don't know what to say about anything anymore.

one minute i am happy, the next i am sad, the next i am ready to punch the world.

i can't find a way to clear my head, throat, eyes, heart.

i think it's time for some talkin'.

this past week has really been something

today we said our goodbyes
tonight i am the waiting lady

my sides are aching
but i think the cats will help
and some whiskey

got home from the cape tonight...

I really didn't want to leave. I am the happiest version of myself there, even when I am trapped in circles on bittersweet lane.

mysterious pains show up on sunday. now it's friday night and there's no explanation, despite bloodwork and pee tests and ultrasounds... going back in for ct scan on monday, I guess.

as chris put it today... "my non-existant plans are all out the window now."

look. it's pretty shitty.
but all I can do is believe that it WILL get better.