so my car needs new oxygen sensors. i don't know what they are or what they do, but i do know they will cost me roughly $750 which i don't have, nor am i able to charge.

fantastic.

if you have any reccomendations for QUIKCASH, please let me know, as i am currently fucked.

Sparks fly on E Street when the boy prophets walk it handsome and hot

loan me your time machine,
so i can fuck him on the hood.

i actually have a sunday off without asking for it. i don't know what to do with the day. if i want my car, i will need to get up at 6:30 AM in order to get Chris to work on time, and then drive home, and then drive all the way back to pick him up and bring him home. it seems like a waste of gas, only because i have no real plans, and it's possible i won't even really leave the neighborhood. and if i do have my car, i might be tempted to go places where i will spend money, which i definitely can NOT do right now.

i COULD spend the day at walden pond. i already have a parking pass. if i packed a lunch, the day would be free. it's so tempting. but weekends at the pond = lots of people, and that is always a bummer.

and now,
a list of things i can/should/probably won't do tomorrow:

- organize polaroids
- clean hall closet
- clean other hall closet
- clean cat pan (this WILL be done.)
- clean cabinet under kitchen sink
- buy a bike helmet (this i am allowed to charge.)
- go for a nice long bike ride
- marinate steak tips (this will also be done.)
- watch cat people
- patch the crotches of two pairs of jeans
- weed the garden


okay. there. plenty for me to do, none of which require the car.
also, if you are my friend, and you have nothing to do tomorrow, and can get to west newton, we could play doorways to adventure or gin rummy.

bye bye money.

my car didn't pass inspection. in fact, they turned it away. this morning i had the windsheild replaced, and monday morning we'll take it to the volvo dealership to hopefully solve whatever problem is making the check engine light stay on. (pleasebecheap.) let's see... oh i had to pay the state of massachusetts the $280 i "owe" for not having health insurance for a month and a half of last year. booooooo.

summer fun time plans, shot.
big time fall plans, shot.

i scanned a ton, posted a bit.

i've been a funk this week, had some panic attacks, but they seemed to have subsided.... i think i hate cars, now, though. the bills are adding up and i''m starting to consider major lifestyle changes. we'll see. in the meantime, we are working on being a one-car couple and it's working out okay.

i think i need a haircut. i need something.

yesterday we got in a car accident on the cape. chris's car is totaled, but hey, everyone is okay and that's what counts.

my neck is stiff, but we are back in newton thanks to his momma and i think i've got a stash of painkillers hiding somewhere which will go great with american gladiators.

... he wanted a new car anyways.

we spent the day in NH with my family. it was a nice (long) day. sixteen polaroids were taken, many beers consumed. my cousins are so tall. andy's backyard is like a grown-up playground. there is a wiffleball field and a horseshoe pit. there are little plastic flower pots screw into random trees all over the place - drink holders. there is a screen house on the river by the bridge that was the railroad tracks long ago but is now a path, which we walked on. cassidy charmed us all. my uncle came up in an RV with four chihuahuas.

i made a homemade salsa, which i was up until 2 am making (it was SPICY) and then we were up by 8 am, so by now, 9:54 pm, after four hours total in the car, too much sun, beer, and food... i am fucking exhausted. and tomorrow we will do it all again, only on the cape with chris's family.

we are supposed to go to good times tomorrow night when we get home. i hope i've got it in me.

i am on edge. i thought it wouldn't happen but it is. chris bought a pack of drum but told me every time i have one, he will have one, too, and i will feel guilty. he's right, i will. it's almost worse. but also a nice comforting feeling just to know it's around. god that is awful.

of course i've been eating like a g.d. pig, but that is to be expected.

tomorrow is the ginger family reunion. we have a total of four hours in the car, provided there is no saturday-heading-north traffic. it will be ... interesting. we are in charge of the chips, pickles, and a portion of the beer. check check check. i am going to make fresh mango salsa, but not until tomorrow morning, even though i've got the time now.

i need more water.
or something.

i took a two minute long video of cassidy eating soup.

NOTE TO SELF:
CALL THE NEW DENTIST.
DO IT.

i shouldn't have had the dairy, what with my mucus, but for dinner i made a grilled cheese & pickle sandwich, with crushed robust russet cape cod chips in between for a crunch. it didn't taste how i imagined it would, but it was good nonetheless.

my friends are probably just arriving at good times, and i am home, watching 8 Mile on VH-1. this is my life.

oh hey look at that.
one week i've been sick.

this is such bullshit.

friends are going to good times tonight, before ikea takes over the land, and i was planning on going.... but i have to be up early tomorrow for babysitting, and unless i miraculously get well over the course of this work day, well, i don't think i will be attending. i've missed on things this week, that is for sure.

on the plus side, i was able to cough up the tiniest bit of phlegm this morning without puking.

i'm on day three of no cigarettes. it's been easy, since i can't breathe.
maybe i will stay stuffed up enough that i will get through the hard days without too much trouble.

my nose is really raw. i've started to drain a bit. i can't wait to not feel pressure in my face. and to be able to sleep through the night. i think i'm averaging four hours a night right now. i feel terrible, cause i know i am keeping chris up. tonight i am going to sleep on the couch. he's already in bed, and i know that if i lay down now, i will be figeting and twitching until i fall asleep. our bed is not big enough for him not to feel it. and i am sure i will wake myself up snorting and trying to clear my throat. it's just easier this way. I AM WICKED NICE.

i bought my father a card for father's day three weeks ago, and i forgot to send it.

i called back to B&H and spoke with a different fellow who was far more helpful. my film was sitting in the warehouse! it is still MY FILM. they will ship it back to me!

thank god.
now if my only my opal would turn up, in my shoe or some other place that would make me chuckle.

let's see.

i woke up feeling shitty on sunday. head full, ears full, throat sore. can't blow my nose or cough up anything. it's now thursday, and i feel about the same, if not a little worse. i've had mucinex, benadryl, dayquil. nothing is helping. i have sore glands. but i am hesitant to go to the doctor and see the same nurse practitioner who i don't trust, so i am just waiting it out. maybe it's a cold, maybe it's the worst allergy attack i've had in awhile. whatever it is, it fucking sucks. today is my day off, and i'm going to spend it with my olbas nasal inhaler permanently housed in my right nostril.

last night at work, in the last hour i was there, i managed to lose my opal from the ring that belonged to my grandmother, and mother. it could be anywhere in that store. it didn't chip, but must have just popped out of the setting. we searched around a bit, but i did ALOT of work in the last hour i was there, and i didn't have time to retrace all of my steps before we left. i may go back today and look around some more, but the thing is, it's pretty small, about the size of a pencil eraser... i feel like i am not going to find it. maybe i am pessimistic, but i'd like to think i am being realistic, and the sooner i let go, the better. i cried at work, i cried on the drive home, and when i was in the privacy of my own home and sitting on my bathroom floor, i sobbed like a baby. i know it's "just a thing", but it's an important thing, to me.

OH and that film i ordered a couple weeks ago? never came.
apparently UPS had a problem with my address and SENT THE FILM BACK.
B&H was on some week vacation, so by the time i got to speak to someone (or leave a message and never get a call back, which is what actually happened) MY FILM HAD BEEN SOLD TO SOMEONE ELSE! i find this out this morning, after receiving an email re-confirming my order. i called up to make sure that I WOULD RECEIVE MY FILM this time, and the guy i spoke with (who was not sympathetic to the situation at all) said OH BY THE WAY THAT PRODUCT IS ON BACK ORDER, which in my mind means, I AM NOT GOING TO RECEIVE THE FILM AT ALL SINCE THE FUCKING PLANT THAT MAKES IT IS CLOSED. someone else got my film. someone else. what the fucking fuck. i should just cancel the order and make a trip to #(*&$#(*&$(*#& walmart.

i can't deal with this.
oh and i really have quit smoking. for real. i guess being sick is good for something.

sweaty babies.
think about it.

and just like that, summer has arrived... reminding me that OH SHIT i forgot to get the AC in my car fixed.

it's going to be long and hot and i bet i will barely have a chance to swim at all.
but at least i have a giant umbrella to hang out under in my yard.

spending a rainy day indoors with a small person is mentally and physically exhausting.

i ordered more film.
i can't help myself.

once it's gone, the only solution is to build a darkroom and resume painting and drawing.

sometimes i feel like i was born in the wrong decade.
is there a word for that? at times, it's so strong.

i ate popcorn for dinner-
the perks of being an adult.

i finished the new sedaris book, and i LOVED it.

on thursday, my day off, i spent the entire day rearranging and cleaning our apartment. i did a fantastic job. everything looks and feels a lot better. i don't know about you, but i am not the type of person who enjoys having bikes in the livingroom. don't get me wrong, i love my new bike, but i don't want to watch american gladiators with it. all the changes i made have proved to be positive, and in turn i am finding it easier to be less of a slob in my day-to-day life. how nice is it to get home after a long day of work, and walk into a clean home with no chores waiting to be done?

today is sunday, which means i open the bookstore. some sundays, lisa is there before me, and i just show up and do work, but on mornings like this one, i will be the first person in the store. i like that. i feel like i am able to set the tone for the day, somehow. also i really enjoy being in retail stores in the morning before they are open. i used to feel that way at economy, too. i like running down the aisles, loudly. yesterday i let the children get to me, but today i will do my best to remember that they are just children and i was probably that annoying when i was little (though my mother put the fear of god and the yardstick in me, so maybe i was not).

tonight chris and i have a hot date: laundry, possibly porkchops after.
other than that, not much to report on.

oh, the new indiana jones is CHEESY.