this morning:



this afternoon:



this evening:



chris did quite a bit of the work, but that is to be expected, what with him having painted houses for a couple of years. it needed a LOT of prep work, and the ceiling was a project in and of itself. plus, the bathroom is a small space. i don't know why i made baked beans for dinner.

anyways. a lot of the bathroom contents are in the hallway still. and we have some touch-ups to take care of... but i've got to say, i love it. and i am excited to make changes all over this crotchety old house.

one of my yardbirds.

okay. the sun is gone now. and it's raining again. i should be happy?

mother nature is fucking with me.

it was too rainy to drive to the cape last night. i was tired from twelve hours of babysitting and my drive back from gloucester was treacherous. plus the forecast called for rain all day today, which is pointless since the things we had planned on doing down there (polaroid shooting, the skatepark) require sun. the whole trip would have been a waste of precious and expensive gasoline.

so instead, we are painting the bathroom today.

but of course on our ride home from the home depot, who should appear? THE SUN. wtf.

we are going to the cape tonight - a quick escape.

it is saturday night
twelve past ten.
tin replaced by wood
traps set
floor swept
the growler is empty
ninety minutes of conversation
four, five (six) smokes shared
road trip in the beginning stages
and i am thankful
for kindreds and brown bottles.

new pictures.

at the moment, i am taking a break from crafting a felt case for my SX-70 sonar. it's coming along well. i think watching the rock of love II reunion helps me create. hahahaaa.

yesterday katie came over, and we hung out. you know, grilled some food, drank some beer, sat in the sunshine. watched a few episodes of flight of the conchords, swooned, listened to the album which coincidentally arrived in the mailbox that morning. we even played a few rounds of jackpot yahtzee, and then ended our day together with a meal at the watertown diner. it was a good day.

it made me nostalgic for the days when i was younger, where i would spend an entire day with my friends, just doing whatever, without any real plans or destinations. perhaps it is growing up, or living with a boyfriend, or not living close by to people, but that is something that doesn't happen much anymore. socializing happens at shows or bars or house parties, which all start late in the day. i prefer to spend time in sunlight. and now that it is warming up, and my yard is finally beginning to come together, i plan on having daytime social hours around the green table:

drinks, cards, dice, BBQ, classic rock

if you can get to west newton, you're invited.
(sometimes a redvolvo taxi may be provided)

i've been carrying my sx-70 around with me non-stop.
the windows are open, the garden is growing, and the blues are seeping down the stairs into the livingroom.

when i am ovulating, life appears to be far more dramatic than it actually is. also, i am extra clumsy, if that is even possible.

my staff rec for this month at work is:



HEYO.

i'm in the process of switching things around.
i'm making plans and figuring out ways to do the things i want/need to do.

i let gretchen write on my stomach with a yellow sharpie yestersday at work.

i think in the near future, i will be planning a road trip to pennsylvania. it's crucial.

at christmastime, i was given a very expensive and very sharp kitchen knife. yesterday i sliced the index finger of my left hand with it while cutting a cantaloupe. there was much blood, but it was not too deep, so i passed on a trip to the ER and went through a few bandaids instead. this morning there is no bandage, just the feeling of skin opening, pulling, closing, healing.

i am at work, on a busy friday night in coolidge corner, but i am taking a moment to say that i received my long-awaited cds from new zealand:

video kid (bret's solo project)
prototype


AND



which is the live album from BEFORE they ever had a show on HBO.

GOOD STUFF PEOPLE, GOOD STUFF.

cvs brand zyrtec kicks my ass. i was asleep on the couch at 7 pm, and asleep in bed by 10 pm. i even had a can of sunkist. i was wide awake for about twenty minutes, but my mind was mush. the night passed by in a blur and i woke up groggier than ever this morning, and still unable to breathe. i have a little while until i am scheduled to be at work, so i think i will go to brookline earlier and sit where there are less trees and no cats. fuck you nose. fuck you.

i'm blaming it on hormones and allergies.. the past few days i've been sleeping a lot and i feel my patience dwindling. i can only read the most depressing books and have little to say with my mouth. maybe this is a good thing?

this morning i scanned one of my favorite paint-by-numbers:



i think it needs a frame and a prominent space on the wall.

the new willy vlautin book, northline, has a soundtrack, which i am listening to at this very moment. i am only one fifth of the way through the story. his writing is getting under my skin. so is the music. i want to have gritty hands, drink whiskey from an avocado green tupperware mug with bite marks on the lip, and chain smoke under a carport in the rain.

i planted a flower garden today, as well as strawberries, one tomato, and one rosemary plant. it looks lovely now, we'll see what happens.

i also witness a bird fly into the screendoor. poor guy.

i just took out my long neglected watercolours, and to my dismay and sadness, many of them are dried up in their tubes. i suppose i could slice them lengthwise ... but it's not the same. also i had dig through a blue rubbermaid bin to find my brushes, which are basically garbage now.

i feel ashamed.

i do have a shitload of crayons, though.

most tv shows do absolutely nothing for me.
(however i am looking forward to the rock of love II reunion show)

i read the new augusten burroughs book, a wolf at the table:a memoir of my father, over the course of the past two days. it caught me off guard. it scared me. it made me remember things that i didn't want to remember. and when i closed the book upon its completion last night, i felt the need to cry.

if someone can evoke such feelings in me through a book.... well. i don't know what to say.

i'm best friends with all the muppets.

kristen wiig is fucking funny:





people that hate on SNL are sad. this shit is GOLD.
let us please not forget the beauty and brilliance of BODY FUZION:



i love the ladies of SNL with my whole heart.

i took today off as a personal day so that i could babysit cass while my brother-in-law attends some class for his work. the times have all been shifted around now, so even though i am still babysitting, it is not until 2:30, which means i have this morning to myself and i had to cancel my evening plans for dinner and drinks with the lovely tria. it's fine, we have already rescheduled, but this morning i am at a loss. there is plenty i NEED to do and WANT to do.... but actually DOING them is a whole other story. there are errands to run and a garden to plant.

..... probably i will head up to the northshore early though. maybe i will tool around beverly for a bit. i felt nostalgic for all the smells that i was surrounded by for so many years as i drove up 128 on monday. i always think to myself SHOULD I STOP AT THE ATOMIC FOR A CUCUMBER COOLER ON WHITE, NO CHEESE? and i never do. beverly is such a small town, and i know there are still lots of people there that i know, or knew once upon a time, and every time i am there it is inevitable that i will run into someone i went to college with. and yes, i liked those people quite a bit, but i feel like i am SUCH a different person than i was then. i am not ashamed of where i am in my life or what i am doing, but i can't help but feel like a bit of a loser when i see people i went to school with, and we talk of "what we are doing these days". at least now i can say i work at a wonderful independent bookstore instead of a hardware store... but still, it'd be nice to feel more accomplished in terms of "my art" (which i still feel the need to put quotes around for fear of feeling pretentious and obnoxious.. though maybe the quotes make it more so).

it's not as though every person i went to school with now has a successful career as an artist. OR DO THEY? i don't actually know. i know plenty of them that DO and none that do not, but that may be due to the fact that i don't talk to the ones that don't. who knows.

maybe i will just drive through beverly with my windows down, and not get out of my car.

interesting fact about me:

i tend to have close friendships with redheaded boys. i've never dated a redhead. not for lack of finding them attractive (for as a matter of fact, my redheaded boy friends are all adorable) but mostly that when i met/befriended these said redheads, i was involved or they were involved or somehow a friendship grew without any notion of romance...

i find these friendships to be of the easy/intense variety. easy/intense in that, i feel very comfortable around them, can talk about a wide variety of subjects with ease, am quick to offer hugs and advice and nourishment, and intense in that... it's almost like there is some weird MIND CONNECTION with them. as though the red hair on my head that is hiding under dirty blonde wants to jump out and do some weird hair dance. i can go months, even years, without seeing them, and when i do, there is no awkwardness, just the ease and comfort and warmth of old friends.

also, all of my male cousins are redhead (oh and my sister, mother, niece, aunt, uncle, the one female cousin) so i supposed i could immediately feel a kinship with the redheads thanks to my family.

whatever the cause, i'm thankful for the ginger in my life.

so flight of the conchords are playing some shows, and OF COURSE the shows on the east coast(NY and PA) were sold out by saturday morning (tickets went on sale friday!) katie and i are devastated. we were planning a road trip, as well as concocting a plan, to seal our destinies as their wives. it's tragic that we can't go, unless we can somehow come up with enough $$$ to get tickets off ebay. the asking price is fairly high though, especially with our meager bookstore salaries.

i've had a few friends mention that they would like to see my polaroids in book form or in a gallery. i believe them to be sincere. i am in the beginning stages of research and action, and would appreciate any and all feedback, insults, and advice.

i took sixteen pictures today.
(four are here).

i often hesitate to call myself an artist or photographer. i don't know why that is. i think i'm going to stop hesitating.

i went for a bike ride with no sweatshirt. beautiful.
now i am going to take the plastic off the windows!

springspringspring.

we had our friend andy over on saturday night, and an enjoyable time was had by all (all being three humans and two cats). thanks to the desk and the re-arrangement of the livingroom, our home feels more inviting. i am considering playing hostess more often. the warm weather is slowly approaching, which means BBQ-time. and i've got lots of games. i'm not saying i am going to start throwing parties, exactly.... but it might be nice to have a few people over once in awhile, provided they can get to west newton.

In springtime, the only pretty ring-time,
When birds do sing, hey ding a ding, ding.
Sweet lovers love the spring.

my tire was flat when i brought out the trash, so i pumped it up, and dropped it off.
my walk home was pleasant, with little buddies all about, chirping in the trees and rising from the earth.

i'm going back outside.

it is monday and i am NOT babysitting, as jeremy (my brother-in-law's little brother) is in town for the red sox tomorrow, so HE took my job. i don't mind much, though i miss my weekly dose of bestbaby, and i could use the money... but it's nice to have an additional day off, AND the sun is shining. i am not sure what to do with myself. i could make a to-do list but i never fucking follow them. i should get my tire patched. ever seen someone pumping a car tire with a bike pump? come to my house. hahaaaa.

probably i will take pictures and rake leaves,
and then i will watch this:

these days, i am all about MAKING PROGRESS.

tonight we bought a desk from the thrift store in waltham. it's perfect. and it was cheap. the livingroom is livable again. it just hasn't been cozy since the removal of the christmas tree. i rearranged the whole room, got out the lemon oil and rags. there are a few little problem areas that will be taken care of soon. now if only the walls were painted, and the heat worked.

in other news, i have a new and terrible addiction in the form of sunkist, and i owe the federal and state governments about $1000.

the stolen internet has been crapping out on us lately. i don't know how long it will last right now.

i went to get x-rays for my back this morning, and when i walked into the waiting/changing room and saw that it was filled up with old men in hospital johnnies, there was no way i could remove all of my clothing excepts for my socks and underpants and sit there in johnnies with them. oh no no no. the radiology department at mt. auburn hospital is on the ground floor (basement) and feels like a weird dungeon. filled with old men in johnnies.

i turned right around, went back to admitting, and told them i actually had to wait until next week. i have the reason of wanting to wait until i got my next period. of course it's a lie. i just.. i just need to MENTALLY PREPARE MYSELF for old men in open-backed shirts.

so instead of x-rays, i got an oil change.

i went through a lot of old pictures last night. keep yer eyes peeled.
(peeled eyes? fucking gross.)

i've been bringing books with me on mondays when i babysit. two weeks ago, i brought Atlas of The Human Heart by Ariel Gore, and by tuesday morning i was finished. i LOVED it. i could not put it down. thanks to camilla, who recommended (and lent me) this book. this past monday, i read A Motel Life by Willy Vlautin. with all the comparisons to Raymond Carver, it makes sense that i would love it. it was beautifully written and an every-day-man tragedy. i hope Vlautin writes more books.

i've actually been burning through books lately, and it feels good. it seems that in many aspects of my life right now, i have lost control, and shit is not how it ought to be. in turn, i am cleaning more, and reading more, cause i don't know what else to do. oh, and cutting my bangs with tiny scissors in the speckled bathroom mirror. that really has to stop.

i'm trying to remain calm.